What I've Been Thinking: Deconstruction

On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jewish leaders, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord. Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.” And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.” Now Thomas (also known as Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.” Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!” Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” John 20-19-20

This morning I woke up thinking about “deconstruction.” Christian deconstruction refers to a process where individuals critically examine and often reject the beliefs and practices they grew up with within the Christian faith.

Now, I used to think deconstruction was something to be feared. I railed against Christian colleges and seminaries who, in my mind, kept poking holes in my traditionally held beliefs. At every turn I found myself defending what I believed and never stopped to evaluate what I was actually defending.

I would like to propose that deconstruction is necessary in order to come face to face with Jesus and finally be able to utter those timeless words, “My Lord and my God!”

When Jesus was crucified, the disciples got a crash course in deconstruction. The “Messiah,” the chosen one of Israel that was sent to free Israel from Rome was just killed, by Rome. Their victor, their Savior, their only hope, was dead.

So, what does anyone do who is going through deconstruction? They hid. They locked themselves away from the outside world and started to question everything and everyone.

Then something beautiful happens. Locked doors and hearts are no match for the resurrected Jesus who can walk through walls and change hearts. He comes to the disciples and stands before them face to face.

You see, at that moment, everything they learned from an early age about who the Messiah was supposed to be went out the window. It didn’t matter what Rabbi so and so said or the ways the ancient teachers interpreted a certain passage. All that mattered was Jesus.

I grew up in a denomination (although those in my denomination would balk at that), where we, like the Jews, figured out what God, the Messiah, and the Holy Spirit were all about. We prided ourselves on having the right interpretations and being the ones that faithful persevered 1st century Christianity. Now, please hear me, I am not bashing my denomination or anyone in it. I have met so many faithful men and women who sincerely love Jesus and want nothing more than to serve and honor him. What I am saying is, what happened to me was I got so caught up in fighting for, what I thought was the right interpretation of Scripture, that I missed who Scripture was pointing me to.

I had this picture of who Jesus was. I created this very intellectually solid box that I kept him in and I assured myself that I had figured him and this church thing out. But then, slowly, the more I studied, holes starting being poked in that box. The questions started small, but then bigger questions emerged. My friends around me feared that I was becoming “liberal,” (whatever that means), and the Jesus that I had hidden away seemed to be breaking out of his box.

Then one day, just like the disciples, he burst forth from the box and I met him face to face. In some way it felt like a Damascus road experience where I could hear him say, “Paul, Paul, why do you persecute me?” I realized that the way I was interpreting Scripture and teaching others to interpret Scripture was actually persecution to who the real Jesus is.

I remember, just like Saul holding the coats for those who were stoning Stephen, applauding people in my denomination for “taking out” or “putting in their place,” the “false teachers” from the other denominations. I remember that feeling of superiority knowing that I was right and everyone else was deceived.

Then, through many hours of study, prayer, and contemplation, I decided to use the Bible as a magnifying glass instead of a telescope. Instead of using the Bible to try and answer all the far off questions that we love to argue and debate about, I started to dive in to what the Bible actually was and what it was written for. And do you know what I found? Jesus.

I thought I would find the answer to the question “Is the world a billion years or only a few thousand years old?” I thought it would tell me why the premillennial view of the end times was wrong and my a-millennial view was right. I thought it would give me a pattern for how the Sunday morning church service and why musical instruments was lifting up unholy fire to God. But when I looked through the magnifying glass I found that it didn’t give me an answer to any of that because that wasn’t its concern. But what it did show me was Jesus.

I used to say, to try and soften my stance, “I’m not saying all those other conversations don’t matter but…” Today I feel differently. Today I echo what Paul said in Phil. 3:7-8…

“But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ.”

All those other pursuits and conversations don’t matter, in comparison to gaining Christ, and if that makes me a “liberal” or a “progressive,” “non-traditional,” or even a “heretic,” then so be it. They thought the same of the disciples, which I am proud to call myself one.

Blessings,

Paul